So what do I resent?� I guess I kinda talked about some of these things a few entries back, but let's recap, shall we?

I resent that I am 34 years old, college educated (2 bachelors in 4 and a half years) and get paid $15/hour to pull AIM Fund dividend checks for rich people, stuff them into Fed Ex envelopes and send them their money (you know, like $100K checks).� That's what I do.� I send money Fed Ex.� And its temporary.� I have been doing it for three months now and they cannot make up their minds whether or not they want to hire me.� At least I AM getting paid.� But still, I resent that my talents are being wasted.

I resent that my younger sister does not have to work because her husband makes more than my husband and me put together.

I resent that my younger brother, who never graduated from college makes more money than me, has a boat, a new car every couple of years, and I am driving a 12 year old car that is going to die any second, but I am not able to get a new one ANY time soon.

I resent that my sister has had two kids, is 3 inches taller than me, and weighs 35 pounds less than I do.

I resent that I was supposed to be the smart one out of the three of us and go on to do great things, and I am sitting here wallowing in my stress and misery.

I resent that the one job I found that was my dream job was suddenly yanked out from under me by my boss, a supreme dick head with no balls whose name was Jim Loucks, fucked up and put the blame on me and fired me.� Fired me when all he had to do was own up to his mistake since that was what he made mega bucks to do, but instead had to royally screw me over.� That was two years ago and I am still reeling from the effects.� I resent that I let this still bother me.

I resent that when I lost this job, never once did my mother call me to see how I was doing.� Never once did she say to me, "Call me if you need anything.� We are here for you."� Never once did she offer any kind of emotional support.� Tarik's father was working in Bosnia at the time and managed to call at LEAST twice a week, always asking if we were OK and if there was anything he could do for us.

I resent all of the major bastard assholes I have worked for who were raging alcoholics, perverted sexual harassers, racist pigs, dickless fucks who have all seen fit to make my life in the work place a living hell.

I resent that my sister and brother were both first class athletes and I was a band geek.� By default that let them in with the cool crowd back in school and I struggled to be accepted.� I resent that my sister, who was a world class soccer player, NCAA player, was on Team USA with Mia Hamm and Brandi Chastain, was made to give it up by my mom because my sister needed to concentrate on school.� I say screw school if you have the opportunity to go to the Olympics.� I regret not being able to say that my sister went to the Olympics.� My sister is also WAYYYY better looking than Mia Hamm and could've had all kinds of endorsement deals.� My brother played baseball and played catcher.� Three pitchers he caught for in high school made it to the major leagues.� But he couldn't keep his grades up in college and had to give up baseball.� I resent knowing that my brother could have been a major league baseball player.

I resent that I have had so many jobs, and such horrible work instability.� It looks horrible on my resume and pretty much screws my chances of finding good work.

I resent that when I am doing housework my husband is usually playing video games and does not offer to help.� In fact, yesterday, while I was making him breakfast, I asked him to blot up some pee stains on the floor I had already hit with the Oxy Clean.� He told me he was installing software. I took that to mean he was installing some system enhancements� or something for a client.� No.� It was a game.

I resent feeling like I am good, but never quite good enough.

Song virus du jour: An obscure little ditty from a local band in the WAYYYY early 80's. "The teacher's a Punk" ~ Z-rocks