Tuesday, Feb. 21, 2006 - 5:57 a.m.

The Gross and Dirty Low Down on My Bowels

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Why is my mother in law bound and determined that I should have diverticulitis?  For every little abdominal pain or discomfort that I have she IMMEDIATELY says that I have diverticulitis.  Acid reflux pain, gas, constipation, and even ovulation.  Yes, I am ovulating and sometimes it hurts.  For some reason this month it is VERY painful.  More so than other times.  But I know what ovulation feels like, and I also know there are other things associated with ovulation, and I know that I am ovulating.  I know that she had to have surgery for her diverticulitis, and its like she is bound and determined to take everyone down with her.  I don't have diverticulitis.  I am having a painful ovulation.  Plain and simple.  OR, it could be my appendix.  I tend to hope that's not it.

But then its not plain and simple with the myriad of GI issues I am experiencing right now.  Yesterday I went for my upper GI, and after a nice binge at the barium buffet, it was decided by my doctor that I should continue my antibiotic regimen to treat my ulcer.  In other words, the x-ray determined that there was something there.  Now, I did not actually speak to my doctor about the results as I was working with clients all day and was not near my phone, but they left me a message saying I needed to continue the treatment.  I will call them today to find out what was on the x-ray.  So then combine that with the IBS issues I have been having in which I have not had a normal BM in three weeks.

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DISCLAIMER!

STACY IS GOING TO GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT HER GI FUNCTIONS.

READ NO FURTHER IF YOU DO NOT CARE TO KNOW THE GORY DETAILS!

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So what is going on with me in my GI tract?  Well, for starters, the acid reflux.  My stomach has hurt every day for about a year.  It actually started hurting right around the time I went back to work from maternity leave.  Its been below my sternum and above my navel.  The night I got back from my trip to the Bahamas in April, after a couple of nerve wracking flights, I thought I was going to die because I was in so much pain.  I thought it was an ulcer because I took Maloxx and that didn't help.  So I went to see the doc a couple of weeks later, he did and upper GI and determined it was acid reflux.  I started taking Zantac, Pepcid and whatever else was over the counter to treat it.  And it helped to an extent.  My stomach didn't hurt, as bad.  Fast forward several months.  My stomach is hurting each and every day, from the time I wake up in the morning til I go to bed.  Then the pain started right behind my sternum.  And that radiated out to either side right in my chest.  Well, I could taste the acid in my throat, and with the pain, decided it was time to go back to see the doc, and that is where we are right now.  Blood test determined I have the bacteria which causes ulcers, and my upper GI from yesterday I suppose confirmed that notion.

 

What is up with my bowels?  I have not had a "normal" bowel movement in at least three weeks.  Now, normal as far as bowel movements are concerned is all relative.  Some people go once or twice a day.  Some people, like me, go every three days or so, with no discomfort or problems.  Then about four  weeks ago, I had what I can only assume was an extremely painful attack of constipation.  I took some Colace, which was my best friend when I was pregnant, and that seemed to do the trick.  However, things went the opposite direction, and I have had basically diarrhea every morning for the last three or four weeks.  I wake up first thing in the morning and have to go.  I don't have any cramping luckily, but if I don't make it to the toilet, then I'm in trouble.  And I have to go about two or three times each morning til its all out.  It seems like everything I eat right now is going right through me.  And I am a tad concerned as I could become dehydrated with this.  I don't want that of course.  And I am concerned about my electrolytes being all out of whack, so I started drinking Propel fitness water yesterday to put back anything that I might be losing.  And for extra added gross out factor and effect, let's just say that the pint of barium I drank yesterday morning, is almost totally out of my system as of this morning, a mere (less than) 24 hours later.  I am killing trees left and right with the amount of toilet paper I am going through.  But thank God for toilet paper.  I couldn't imagine what life must have been like before it came along.

 

Stress and anxiety do horrible things to your body and I am walking proof, from ulcers, to irritable bowel syndrome, to panic and anxiety attacks, its all useless.  One day, ONE DAY, I am going to feel better again.


Song Virus du Jour:  "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic"  ~  The Police


Useless Trivia du Jour:   Taken from Chuck Norris Facts.

-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
-Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word "hunting" implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
-4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
-Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
-In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human heads.
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
-Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
-Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
-Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
-In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
-Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
-The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
-In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

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